Meet Kristen!
Kristen, Henry & Harlo!
Hi all,
We hope that by learning about our experiences leading to the founding of Inclyousion Sports, you feel seen and understood a little bit more. Greg shared his inspiration for launching this business based on his professional experiences that pointed to a gap in programming. I came to learn about the gap in programming from a personal perspective back in Spring 2021…
As I parked my car for Henry’s soccer class, I was feeling proud of myself. I had remembered his soccer shirt and water bottle, which he was excited to take out of storage from pre-pandemic classes. Henry was also willing to wear sneakers that morning instead of his dinosaur rainboots, which he rarely was willing to part with. Not only were we on time for class, but Henry was in a great mood, excited to have a fun morning at soccer.
After a year of the pandemic, we were ready to re-join a local sports program to get him moving more and to make some new friends. Henry had loved soccer classes since he was 18 months old and thrived being active and learning new games. Since he had spent much of the pandemic in preschool, Greg and I assumed he would easily re-join this program and pick up where he left off in March 2020 when the world shut down.
When we walked onto the soccer field, the excitement Henry felt in the car quickly turned to anxiety and insecurity. We didn’t know any of the other children/families/coaches, and Henry, like most kids, can be shy and reserved around new people. I encouraged him to try some of the soccer equipment while we waited for class to begin, and attempted introductions with other children, but he clung like a magnet to my leg. The other kids casually started playing pass and were immediately comfortable with each other, which made Henry withdraw even more.
Class started by all children gathering in a circle with the two coaches to introduce themselves and do stretches. Despite the class being an independent style class (without parent involvement), I sat supportively next to Henry, who refused to stay on the field if I wasn’t by his side. Henry wouldn’t acknowledge his teammates, so I shared his name and favorite snack with the group when it came to be his turn. I was hopeful that once we got past introductions, he would remember how much he enjoyed these classes in the past and gain confidence to play with the other kids.
Unfortunately, the longer class went on, the less engaged and compliant he would become. For the first activity, I tried remaining by his side on the field (per his demands) but I was getting in the way of other kids and I was the only parent on the field, which was distracting to the other kids. When I would try to step back to give distance so that I could eventually move completely to the sidelines, Henry would tantrum and interrupt class. After a few times of this, he resorted to new techniques to show me how frustrated he was with me forcing independence on him, including hitting me, ripping his mask off, and yelling “you’re a bad mama!”.
I was not only embarrassed at his behavior, but that I as a parent couldn’t reel him in. I could feel the eyes of the other 20 or so parents and my face turned bright red as I pleaded with Henry to stop destroying a field sign. In addition to the scene he was making, eventually he couldn’t keep himself or the rest of us safe by his actions, so it was time to leave. He wasn’t willing to walk out with me, so I picked him up to move him out of the field as quickly as possible. He proceeded to continue hitting me while screaming “you’re a bad mama” at the top of his lungs in between sobs. Once we got back to the car, the next battle was getting him into his car seat which felt like an Olympic sport. I closed his door and stood outside the car crying until I didn’t have any tears left, as other parents passed me by on their way to their own sports class.
Once I calmed down, I called Greg and told him what happened. My heart hurt, not even because I was mortified at what just happened, but because sports seemed to be out of the question for Henry now. How could we have assumed he would be ready? Is this due to the pandemic? Did we not prepare him well enough? Does he not like soccer anymore? We got off the phone acknowledging the experience, but with no answers. I wondered, if this is our experience with a typically abled/neurotypical child, what were parents doing for extracurriculars for children with diverse abilities?
We never went back to that class, and for weeks we reflected on what could have influenced the experience to create a different outcome. We were able to group our ideas into four categories:
• Coaches: While the two coaches were kind and well-intentioned, they were not armed with the skills required to support children with big emotions or challenging behaviors. As young high school students, they lacked training and experience to know how to call Henry into the class experience and ensure he could participate along with the other kids. Their inability to navigate these challenges, made the success of his class experience fall on me, which we now know the outcome of.
• Class size: The soccer class had approximately 20 children participating. The number of other children felt overwhelming for me, so I suspect it was for Henry as well, as we were trying to learn new skills and find field space to practice them.
• Parent/child style class: At approximately 3 years old, children in the soccer classes move from parent/child style classes (where parents stay by the child’s side to support the child throughout class) to independent style classes. There were no options for children over 3 who needed additional support.
• Social skill support: Following the initial introductions, there were no structured opportunities for social skill development. Using other children’s names and cheering for each other, at a minimum, could have made Henry feel more welcomed and supported.
After having these realizations, I began looking into inclusive types of kid’s sports classes in my area, to find an alternative style class that could support Henry build the confidence to try new sports and make new friends. I was shocked to realize that there was nothing out there like this. During a combination of other “a-ha” moments shortly thereafter, we decided that we would create these classes (with the help of Allyson and Lisa).
Nearly every single parent I’ve spoken with has confessed some horror story about a challenging behavior their child had in public. We are not alone in these experiences, despite how I felt in that moment. Feeling supported and less alone is exactly how we want parents to feel in Inclyousion Sports classes…that we are all on the same team, working towards creating a successful experience for their child.
If you’ve had a similar experience and are looking for a new way for your child to learn sports, connect with us to learn more!
Kristen
